Fire and Ice

About a year ago, I finished a marathon and I am very , very proud of that accomplishment. I still feel that my head goes a bit higher when I tell people about it, when they see my photos and when I show my medal off. Sure, my time wasn’t fast but I finished didn’t I? This year I feel like I’m finishing another marathon, of sorts. In a few days I will, if all goes well, give birth to a little girl and these last few weeks have been like the last stretch in the marathon. You know, you start off strong and confident (but a little queasy inside), until you find your pace. Slowly you feel that you can definitely do this, it’s actually easy and you’ve already covered so much mileage. You feel yourself smiling and think “hey, I look quite good!” Everyone cheers you on. But somewhere in the last third you start flagging again: suddenly not only your legs hurt but everything seems to. The really comfortable pace you’d set is becoming too much so you slow down. You feel heavier and heavier. T...

It’s true what they say – ignorance is bliss. I am about 4 days away from going into hospital to have a baby and I’m worried, in some cases even terrified. So much so that I’m struggling to clear my mind enough to sleep (or is that just another one of those pregnancy symptoms that make women’s lives so much nicer?) and I sometimes find myself over-worrying which is so unlike me. While I am looking forward to losing some of this weight I’ve been carrying in my front for a few months now and look forward to not feeling awkward, clumsy and round, I am not so sure about the bit that comes after. You know, the whole recovery from surgery, the pain and lack of comfort and of course the whole life-with-newborn part. Last time, with my first, I of course didn’t know any of this and throughout my pregnancy and subsequent periods I kept waiting for things to get better. It was a long time before they did but I was hopeful every day that it would happen. Now I know better and that little ...

I've been back in Monterrey now two weeks and while time seems to have stood still at the same time I still feel so much like an outsider in my own home city! It really is a feeling of 'neither here nor there' as I have been living in the UK for nearly 12 years now and a lot of the more practical things I've done I've only ever done over there, like buy a house, pay my bills, manage a bank account, shop for groceries, etc. So things I've never really noticed over here and take for granted in the UK - like direct debits - are practically unheard of here and it makes me wonder how people cope. So being here isn't just about how much better things are here (like food and weather) and there are lots of things that I've now noticed here that I only notice because I live in the UK and have experienced a different way. The biggest thing that is bugging me all the time is in terms of environmental awareness. Here in Mexico, like in the USA, environmental concern...

I've now spent nearly a week back home and, as always, it's a weird experience. On the one hand I'm back to the place where I was born and pretty much had all my growing up adventures so I should know it like the back of my hand... but it is a huge progressive city and of course a lot changes in a short time so there are many parts that I can barely recognize. I hadn't been back in 3 years and everything is so familiar yet so strange: roads that I know very well look nothing like I remember them but at the same time they take me to the same places. It's almost like a half-remembered dream. It is both fascinating and frustrating to find that what I remember is not quite right or was right but has changed so much that it isn't right anymore. The one thing that has remained unchanged are my friends: they are still here, still loving and still very much my friends. It has been amazing to catch up with old friends and, even thought we live thousands of miles apart, a...