Food for the mind

-


Anyone that has been on any sort of restrictive diet probably already knows this: starving yourself drives you mad. 

I kinda knew this already, and not necessarily from dieting experience, but from knowing how I feel when I haven't eaten for a few hours. You know the drill: hunger makes you cross, grumpy and terrible company. Some people call this "hangry" which is probably pretty apt.

However, now that I go various days without eating very much, "hangry" doesn't even begin to cover it. Besides being moody, irritable and grouchy, I have also been anxious, on edge and depressed. Not surprising given that I don't really know when this is getting better, worse or when I'll be able to have a normal meal again. 

The worst part is that food is everywhere, which means that it is very difficult to distract myself with something else. I may start watching a great Disney+ series and find that it is entertaining... until the characters then decide to sit down and eat macaroni cheese. Or I'll be scrolling through a news site when I'm suddenly faced with the inevitable stories that fill newspapers in January: diets, cravings, going vegan. Recipes and restaurant suggestions fill my inbox. Even my Pinterest, which is usually a good rabbit hole to crawl into if I want to mindlessly wander around the internet. There is nowhere to hide and it is torture. I fully sympathize with anyone that has an eating disorder: avoiding food is basically impossible. 

Also, as humans, we do a lot of our socialising around food and drink and missing out on those means missing out on experiences. You know, "let's go for coffee", "Hey, how about going out to dinner" or "fancy a drink?" But, at the same time, sitting down at the table to watch other people eat something that smells delicious is also incredibly triggering. What to do for the best? I have tried both strategies and have ended in tears either way. 

I have been doing yoga and meditation for a while now (especially since we've been in this pandemic) and it is helpful - but more recently, I find that it is harder to clear my mind and not think about food, or about how thirsty I am, or worry endlessly about why this is all happening. So my meditation sessions can sometimes be worse because when there is nothing to think about, my physiological needs seem so much louder: my body needs food and water and needs them now. But my body also doesn't cooperate and doesn't let me swallow what I so desperately need. 

This apparent disconnect between different parts of my body (or teams as I like to think of them) seems so frustrating: if my brain knows that we have a problem in the throat area that is severely limiting energy intake, why doesn't it also tell the digestive team to stop grumbling? Why doesn't it do something about the moods? It feels like everyone is shouting, all at once, at me to eat something and get over it, while I shout back: "I would love to but I CAN'T!" I'm having a fight with myself and in the current mood I'm in, that is not a great thing.

The one place I seem to get some respite is when I'm asleep. At least I'm not having to wake up in the middle of the night for a pee. 
Location: Milton Keynes, UK

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Copacabana: mystery solved

-
It is no secret (perhaps it should be!) that I really like Barry Manilow's music. So I was listening to Copacabana for the millionth time today and I remembered something I've pondered for a long time: why can't anyone figure it out? If you know the story - and you know you do - we have Lola and her boyfriend Tony who both work at the Copacabana. Rico turns up, starts flirting with Lola and the boys fight. Then "there was blood and a single gunshot, but just who shot who?" This is the part I don't get. I mean, it works out as a lovely rhyme but it really shouldn't be that difficult to work out who shot who! There was a single gunshot and we know from the song that Lola "lost her Tony" so surely Rico shot Tony. Another possibility could be that both guys ended up dead, in which case the body that has the GSW was shot by the other one (and in that case, how did the non-shot person die? Punched to death?) For some reason EVERY time I listen to this
Read more

Milton Keynes street names

-
Image
There are lots of weird things that appeal to me, but one of them is the idea of planned communities. I think the concept of producing a place to live in a space where none yet exists is quite idealistic. There’s something very satisfying about getting to decide what it looks like, where things are located, how it will flow, what are the underlying design principles, etc. Of course one of my favourite planned spaces is Walt Disney World which famously was built in the middle of nowhere much and everything had to be built. For decades I have researched almost every aspect of its construction and every detail is fascinating. The fact that it is still standing, still functioning and still successful is one of the reasons I admire this place so much. Closer to home, MUCH closer, is another planned community that I love learning about. It is of course Milton Keynes where I live. Here is another planned community that had its genesis in the late 60s with the first spaces built in the 70s an
Read more

Running around Bancroft - photo blog

-
Image
Inspired by RLSoccerMom over at www.disneyrunning.com forum, I finally got my finger out and took some photos while out for a run... This is my house and where the run started from. It was an unusually sunny Sunday lunchtime and I didn't have plans to run but it was so nice out that I thought - why not? The run took me mainly along the redways which are the pride and joy of Milton Keynes: cycle or walk ways (some are even red!) that criss-cross the entire city. It is possible to get from anywhere to anywhere on these routes and sometimes you don't see any cars! This is the redway that goes along the front of my house and where I started first with a brisk walk to warm up. Not long after I started I got to one of the infamous overpasses in MK. They can be a little scary at night but they keep walkers and cars separate so I don't mind them much. Milton Keynes is pretty flat so this is one of the few 'hills' I have to negotiate on the route. It is hard to tell from t
Read more