Today I'm okay

 

It seems like we can get used to anything. 

For another week my struggles continue, except that this week I seem to be in the "good" part of the cycle. These days, good means that I can eat something, often very small meals that can take me hours. But at least it's something and it also means I'm not quite so tired or dizzy all the time.

This part of the apparent cycle can also be falsely reassuring: I may manage a little plate of pasta (plain sauce, no cheese) and think I can have a bit more... only to find that actually, no I can't. Or I'll absentmindedly grab a morsel of cake and immediately regret it, as I've also discovered that crumbs are a big NO-NO.

But otherwise, at least on good days, I can carry on with my life as mostly normal. I can go for walks without feeling faint, complete a full working day without feeling exhausted and can sit and join people while I eat my tiny, slow meals. All this leads to better mental health, less anxiety and even better sleep. 

However, past experience has taught me that these good days don't last forever and eventually I will have another bunch of very bad days. Instead of dreading those, I am trying my best to make the most of these good ones while I make efforts to learn as much as I can about what could possibly be causing good or bad days. I am making notes in my journal that I think may help and basically try to remain positive.

This week I have also seen (another) doctor who advised that, given my test results, this thing is more of a nuisance than a serious concern. This is of course immensely reassuring, however, the fact remains that I still can't drink an entire cup of coffee. I am due to meet with a specialist consultant in a couple of weeks and I hope that this means that we start to really get to the bottom of what is going on, and what to do about it.

So I'll continue to enjoy these good days while they last...