I feel like a house

Can we talk? Really, really talk?

I am really struggling to come to terms with my changing shape. I am having trouble looking at myself in the mirror, hate the fact that most of my ‘normal’ clothes no longer fit and I am certainly not taking any photos of myself for posterity. I’m practically running away from cameras now, which explains why my scrapbooking output is seriously diminished.

The last time I was pregnant I remember feeling the same way, but I always thought that there would come a point when I would feel better and be happy with my growing body. That point never came and now, second time around, I know better. I also know that I will get much, much bigger and be even more uncomfortable, look more like a helium balloon and that the feeling goes on for a few months even after the birth.

I know that there are some girls out there that love being pregnant, I even know some personally. I totally don’t get this because this isn’t something that I enjoyed in the past or am enjoying now. I could even use strong words and say I’m hating it. And perhaps I’m also a bit jealous of those that can embrace their blooming body and be totally happy with it.

I get a lot of advice of course, to focus on the positives, the end result, the goal. And I do try. But then I happen to catch a glimpse of myself sideways and all those good thoughts come crashing down. I have even shed tears at the sight of myself in those silly clothes and that gigantic lump in front of me.

Thing is though, no one seems to talk about this. Everywhere I read about pregnancy and body image it seems to be people gushing about how amazing they look and feel. Yes, I do appreciate that it is possible to be so positive but where are the other people, people like me? Am I the only one? Or am I the only one talking about it?

This reminds me of a show I saw on TV a while ago, about mothers that, while they loved their children very much, did not especially love being moms. It just wasn’t the ‘be all and end all’ that was promised. I remember watching this and knowing exactly how they felt, because it was something I’d felt before but was of course NEVER going to admit out loud. I admired these women for their bravery and thank them for making me feel like I wasn’t the only woman in the world that felt things in an unconventional way.

So I know that there must be others like me out there. It’s not fashionable these days to express these thoughts but I also know that keeping them bottled inside isn’t healthy. I also know that these are issues that I will have to work out by myself but in the meantime – where are all the girls that do not love being pregnant??